Who wants to mark Valentine’s Day by buying a new printer cartridge? Or (for feck’s sake) gutter guard?

Not me.

I don’t want to mark Valentine’s Day at all.

Yet, it seems that everyone with something to tout thinks Valentine’s Day is an ideal time to hit my inbox with an offer.

Hell, I even had a pitch for a “Chocolate Sauce-covered Marketing Strategy”.

Unless you’re a florist, a chocolatier or a candle-lit restaurant you have no reason to be here. And I’m not going to engage with you or your offer. How could I possibly sound you out above the white noise of all the everybodies crowding into my (I repeat: MY) space?

Those pulsating love hearts you punctuate your offer with don’t help. Nor do the platitudes about “sharing the love” with me. I don’t even know you. I don’t want to know you. Not now, not at Christmas, not ever.

What lazy marketers put these “holiday” campaigns together? As a freelance copywriter, I work with creative directors planning campaigns, discussing strategies and sorting out new ways to cut through crowded communication channels.

I can’t imagine any of the marketing professionals I work with considering coinciding a marketing campaign with Valentine’s Day unless the product or proposition had a direct link. A genuine and compelling direct link. If they did, I’d surely jump up and down with protest in the creative meeting.

Christmas is just more of the same … unimaginative marketers bundling campaigns up to exploit the holiday frenzy. Why not think smarter and leave holiday advertising to toy retailers, gadget guys, smellies sellers and electronics wizzes. The rest of you aren’t likely to get a look-in anyway. I can’t see you in the crowd.

Instead, hit me mid-March or early July when I’m least expecting it. You’ll stand out, I’ll reward your strategic thinking and we might even do a deal.

But for now … get out of my inbox! Go do something creative.